News Archive June 2011

KISS Gene Simmons' Sunburnt Ass On KISS Kruise
From: Broward Palm Beach New Times

by Travis Newbill
Posted: June 9, 2011

From observing the musical cruise trend, it's becoming quite clear that no species of rocker is afraid of the high seas and sunshine. In the past year we've bid "Bon Voyage" to the hippies (Jam Cruise), the hipsters (Bruise Cruise), and the hair band-ers (Bret Michaels' Super Cruise) as they've departed from South Florida aboard massive rage-able vessels. Still, it comes as a bit of a surprise to see that the good folks of the satanic nerd squad that is the KISS Army are going to be coming out of their darkened, glittery lairs to brave the waves and the light of day for the upcoming KISS Kruise this October (tickets just went on sale). We thought that the brightest lights that bunch could tolerate were the fireballs of the band's stage show.

As your local, seaside music blog, we try to make sure we offer you some guidance before you set sail on these wild, amplified adventures. Whether it's advice as to how not to get busted with your dope, how to stay safe from sharks and chlamydia, or, of course, how to generally rage that boat real good, we try to help out as much as we can. So for all you KISSers and KISS curious, here are a few things to keep in mind when you embark on the S.S. KISS.

Stock up on black, white, and silver zinc oxide

This is the way to stay in character and avoid sunburn. If you really want to be smart, bring a few tubs of each color so that you can paint your entire body and go sans-spandex. You'll be way cooler that way -- and sexier -- than if you were to sport your bulky costume on the pool deck.

KISS is going to be doing a make-up free, acoustic set.

If you pull out a camera during this revealing moment, there is a chance that Gene Simmons will lash out his disgusto-tongue and snatch it away like a frog eating a fly. Also, be warned that non-Ace Frehley -- aka Tommy Thayer -- may not be able to pull off the 'make-up free' Ace as well as he pulls off the standard Ace.

Bring some fake-shark repellent.

There is always the danger that cruisers who go overboard may actually go...overboard. When that happens, it's good to have some Batman-grade shark repellent. Being that this is a KISS party though, there is likely to be lots of fake blood flying around, and that may attract fake sharks (unlike the shark that Batman had to deal with in that video clip). Taking this into consideration, it seems like a good idea to have a can of fake-shark repellent ready, just in case. Luckily, you will be able to buy KISS brand fake-shark repellent right there on the boat. They may even have a deal where you get a can for free if you buy eight tubs of official KISS brand zinc oxide and four KISS brand sea-sick barf bags.

KISS Kruise. October 13-17. Sailing from Miami to Half Moon Cay and Nasau Bahamas. Tickets cost $477 to $2,995. Click here.