Top Ten Moments of Kiss’ Paul Stanley’s Viral Rant: “Get Licked!”

David Von Bader | New Times

Kiss may very well be the most polarizing band in rock music. However, the hard rockin’ kings of glam showmanship have assembled a veritable army of makeup-caked fans, thanks to a 40-year career of loud rock ‘n’ roll delivered from stages littered with explosives, flames, comically large walls of amplifiers, innuendos shrouded by only the thinnest of veils, and a merchandizing machine rivaled only by the likes of Disney.

Though Kiss has weathered plenty of phases over the past four decades, including brushes with disco, the removal of the makeup, lineup changes, and reality television, the band has never been accused of doing anything subtle. This is inherently integral to the

Paul Kane

 

charm of Kiss. Some people simply want their rock ‘n’ roll in the form of a live-action cartoon.
Despite years of flirtation with despicable things, the band (now sporting only two original members in Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley) has reached what we consider a new low by having the audacity to tour with a pair of impostors donning the iconic makeup of original guitarist Ace Frehley and drummer Peter Criss. While very little can excuse such a blatant abuse of fan trust (and dollars), a compilation of 45 consecutive minutes of Paul Stanley’s stage banter might help a little. The audio recently went viral, and the inexplicable hilarity has certainly distracted us from the burn left by the additions of Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer.

There is a phenomena that occurs when one basks in the heat of pyrotechnics for too long, sweating beneath a stifling mask of heavy makeup. Cognitive function is stunted, the rock

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