You Wanted The Rest, You Got The Rest. The Hottest Parody Of The Group, KISS!

Love Gun (1977) - The break-up of KISS seemed imminent by the end of the "Rock and Roll Over" tour. Although some would chalk this up to the constant pressure put on the band to continue the tour-write-record-tour cycle, those who worked closest with the band knew the truth: the members themselves simply could not live with their own competitiveness, jealousies and inner rivalries. Indeed, by the time the band had convened to begin recording "Love Gun," the band had deteriorated to the point of talking to each other only when necessary, which would lead to the inevitable "Gene vs. Paul/Peter" showdowns. This was the situation that returning producer Eddie Kramer faced at the beginning of the recording sessions. And this time the band had only one demo: Ace's inappropriately titled "Fuck Me," which obviously had no real hope of being recorded. "I was up against a wall right off the bat," Kramer explained at a recent convention. "It would have been easier to try to get four retarded monkeys to sit down and write some songs. And at least four retarded monkeys could communicate with each other, you know?" Kramer later said, "I couldn't handle this alone, so I called the one dude I could think of, and that was Doug." Doug Stasiak, brother of co-engineer Corky Stasiak, was a self-proclaimed "self-improvement nut" working as a counselor in San Bernardino, California.

"I had done numerous interventions, which are so popular now, with both individuals and families, and I basically helped resolve disagreements" Stasiak wrote in response to my e-mails. "Not that most families consist of 4 grown men dressing up like clowns, but I thought, why not? I wasn't getting any younger, and besides, I felt I owed it to Ed."

The group---apparently under the direction of a pleading (manager) Bill Aucoin, according to Kramer---agreed to meet with Stasiak, who asked that the group gather for two weeks at a convenient location: the studio itself at the Record Plant in New York. "It was fine," Stasiak said. "The environment was a little sterile, but the benefit was that I, uh, I got to record some of the meetings." When I asked if he still had these tapes, he said, "Sure, somewhere in storage. I just don't have a reel-to-reel (playback machine) anymore, so god knows what's on them. But obviously those are protected. You know, patient-client confidentiality? God, they'd kill me if I let you near them."

(Author's note: Allow me to break my professional journalistic standard by telling you that, although I was playing it cool, my stomach instantly dropped when he mentioned tapes. Recordings? Of behind-the-scenes meetings?? With the members of KISS in the midst of an upheaval???)

As it turned out, Stasiak discovered only one tape, that of the initial group meeting. Unfortunately, Stasiak had indeed signed a 25-year disclosure statement, which essentially bars Stasiak from making any of this information public until the spring of 2002. However, after three weeks of gentle harrassment, I convinced him to let me "just listen" to the tape.... which I secretly recorded from the pocket of my jacket! (Author's note: In the interest of professional journalism, I know I essentially stole someone's personal property and that publishing this is illegal. In fact, I'm quite sure this might in fact be the last article I'm able to publish. But consider what you would do with the transcript you're about to read. This is honestly the most jaw-dropping audio I've ever heard from KISS, and its "KISStorical" value alone is phenomenol. Here is the session in its entirety.)

Stasiak (S): Okay, testing, testing, 1, 2.

(pause)

S: Okay, all right then. This is tape 1, series K. This is the first session, first empowerment session, for the four members of the rock band KISS. Okay, well, how are each of you? It's a fantastic day out today, so I won't make your first...

Gene: C'mon, c'mon, let's do this. Some of us have legitimate work to do.

S: Uh, well, yes, this is.... how about if we go around quickly and introduce ourselves for the purpose of... for a proper meeting. I'm Douglas Stasiak, the group facilitator and constructive opposition analyst. And you are?

Paul: Paul Stanley.

Peter: Hey Doug, I'm Pete, Peter Criss.

Gene: Gene Simmons.

Ace: Stevie Nicks (laughs uproariously). Naw, Ace Frehley.

S: Laughter is good, laughter is a powerful medicine, someone once said. Oh, uh, let me remind you that anything you say in this room will stay in this room. This is all extremely confidential, for obvious reasons. Now... why, can anyone tell me why am I here exactly? Paul?

Paul: (silence) I guess the band's been having trouble just... Bill (Aucoin) said he's had it with us. We're not... communicating, you could say. No one really hears a word anybody says. And that's basically it.

Peter: That's true. That's absolutely right on, Paulie. That's what Bill was sayin' last week.

S: Gene, is that a correct assessment?

Gene: No, it's because Bill sees the same lack of discipline in certain members and he needs you to straighten out these noodniks. To get us back on the road.

Peter: Noodnik?

Gene: Literally, on the road.

Peter: Where's he comin' up with this? After your -

Paul: Pete, Pete, stop, don't even let him bait you. Don't let him.

Gene: Yeah, don't let me bait you, Pete. That's Paul's job.

Peter: Fuck you. I told you I'd drop your ass after --

Gene: But that's why you call him "Master," right? "Master Bai..."

(Sounds of folding chairs turning over; I can make out Peter screaming "asshole" and Gene saying "off.")

S: GENTLEMEN GENTLEMEN we can't start off our meeting like this! Now please! Could you just... Peter, would you please have a seat, right, and Gene, Gene, you need to keep those comments to, any comments like that, you need to keep those comments out of this meeting. Okay?

Gene: Oh sure. Aaaaabso-goddamn-lutely.

Peter: I told you I wasn't takin' any more shit from you, you prick. Try it again.

Gene: I'll try...

Peter: Just try it again, you piece of shit!

S: Let's just... okay, let's settle down. Let's start over with what I like to call a "positive unifier." Now, I think that you guys have been really successful together lately, right? You've had some big hits with, uh (papers rustling), "Rock and Roll at Nite," and "Beth" and "Calling Mr. Love."

Ace: "Mr. Love!" (laughing hard) How great is that?

Gene: It's "Dr. Love."

S: My apologies. My notes say "Mr." Your song "Dr. Love." Now that's quite impressive. All those hits as a group of musicians are impressive, wouldn't you agree?

Gene: What's impressive is that those are all my songs.

Paul: Ohhh...

Peter: You are one rotten piece of shit, you know that? You can't even let me have one song? Our biggest hit! Our biggest hit so far and he...

Gene: And who gave you the idea for the song? Who?

Peter: I wrote the damn thing! With Bob (Ezrin), not you! What did you write? Tell me, what the fuck did you write? Come on, what are you gonna do, breathe fire on me? What did you write?

Gene (calmly): Did I not tell you to change the title to "Beth"?

Betttthhhhhhhh?

Peter: You...

Gene: He was gonna sing this song about Jeff Beck. He was gonna call it "Beck" because he had this boner for...

Peter: You are such a fuckin' liar! This guy... Jesus, you, just because you jump around like fuckin' Quasimoto on stage and puke yogurt, you run the...

Paul: Hey, and there's no way Jeff enters into this, okay? He's just a friend, tell him Pete, he's just...

Gene: Oh, I can tell you one thing, staaaarchiiiild, that you're not the only one Pete's winking his brown eye at.

(More sounds of folding chairs turning over, minutes of yelling)

S: GUYS GUYS GUYS GUUUUUYS stop it now calm down, calm down, Paul, you, Gene, you sit over, Pete, just hold up now. Now just hold on. See, now we've got some issues. See, this is good, we just have to channel your energies. Okay. Whoo. Okay. Let's talk calmly and rationally. Everyone, take a breath with me, Gene, okay, everyone breath deep and hold it for 10 seconds, okay, breathe in (pause)

S: ....and release. One more. (pause)

S: Okay, let me just ask this. Gene, do you see yourself as the leader of KISS? Peter, now, you'll get your turn. Gene?

Gene: Look, I sing most of the songs. I've written most of the songs. My face is the one that's out there the most. I'm doing the negotiating for the band. I'm sorting a lot of the merchandise offers. Hey, this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing being in KISS. And I'm not going to let these clowns ruin it for me.

S: So you're feeling it's the "Gene" show, is that what I'm hearing?

Gene: It's getting to be that way, yeah.

S: Would you like a Gene sign behind you instead of a KISS sign?

Gene: No, it's not like that. This is still a group. I'm just doing all the work.

S: So you just said this is a group. Four members?

Gene: Yeah, so?

S: So you'd look pretty silly out there on stage by yourself, right?

Gene: I'm not... look, I just said, this is a group. Is that sweater on too tight, or are you just slow?

S: So you couldn't do this without them. You couldn't live out your dream without these guys.

Gene: Not in the short term. No. I guess not.

S: In fact, I bet these guys are just as committed as you are to success, but maybe they show it in different ways. I bet these guys wouldn't do anything differently than be in KISS, am I right guys?

Paul: Damn right.

Peter: Sure.

Ace: (silent)

S: Ace?

Ace: Oh, me? What Pete said (giggles).

S: Gene, maybe you need to be more patient with these guys, take on less, and be less competitive. Otherwise the team might split up. And what's more important, that YOU win or that THE TEAM wins?

Gene: I can't just... I can't take on less when these bozos...

S: Who's more important, the team or Gene? Team or Gene?

Gene: Okay, I get you. You're... I can't argue with that, so... I guess you're right.

S: Peter, what can you tell Gene to make sure he knows he's supported?

Peter: (long pause) I guess I'd say we're a team and, uh, all for one and one for all? Christ...

S: That's great! Now, let me also address the other big issue out here, something here in my notes from Mr. Aucoin, the issue of, um, the... now, correct me if I'm wrong, but the relationship going on in the band. I sense that this is a ...

Peter: Yeah, Gene's clever as hell at makin' jokes. I mean, 15 years ago this guy couldn't speak the language, now he knows how to say "queer" in two different languages and...

Gene: What, so you're gonna slam me for not being born here? At least I...

S: STOP! Stop, you guys. Paul, Peter, straight up: is your relationship hurting the band? Let me just ask you point blank.

Paul: It's not about...

Peter: It's... you go first.

Paul: It's not about a relationship. This is like a four-way marriage. You know, a two-way marriage is really tough, but a four-way marriage...

Gene: And here we go again with the marriage analogy. This guy, every three hours with the marriage analogy.

Paul: Gene, I've got my reasons for what I say. Sometimes the things I do are better left unsaid. Peter and I... we're real good friends. We share everything, you know?

Gene: Yeah, and...

S: Gene, now...

Paul: And that's emotionally, spiritually, and you know, whatever else goes into a relationship. If other people can't take it, that's tough. I can't rearrange what I've done. Look, I love Peter.

Gene: You can say that aga.....

Paul: Jesus....

S: Gene, STOP, or this first session will be the last!

Paul: I'll always love Peter like a brother. And...

Peter: It's cool, man.

Paul: And if we're being honest here... then okay, we got a little closer last year, but we both know we need to just be friends, okay? He's hooked up with Lydia, and...

Peter: We've been through all this, Paulie.

Paul: But you love her.

Peter: Sure I love her. I love a lot of people, Paul. But with her, I see a future and kids, you know? You're the one I want to hang with, she's the one I want to come home to. We've been through this. I don't want anyone to take your place.

Paul: Yeah, I know.

Peter: Some days, man, love bites.

(Silence)

S: Gene, do you have a problem with a lot of this, with, you know, men sharing their feelings?

Gene: Just not my cup of tea.

S: Can you stop making lewd jokes?

Gene: I don't... I don't do it... look, I'm just having fun.

Peter: But it's not funny to us.

Gene: Yeah, I... whatever. (silence)

S: My notes tell me you're close with your mother, is that right Gene?

Gene: What the hell does that have to do...?

S: I'm just asking.

Gene: Of course. She made me what I am.

S: Well, but you're all close to your mothers, right?

Paul: Sure.

Peter: No one else compares.

S: And Gene, I understand your father left you at an early age? So you were primarily raised, what, as an only child with one role model.

Gene: If you think you're going to get me to...

S: Gene, I'm just stating what's in my notes. It sounds like you led a very insular childhood that you coped with through kind of a fantasy life. And then the upheaval of coming to a new country and learning a new language... I'm just saying it was probably tough. No long-lasting friends, no male role models. Is this accurate? (long silence)

Gene: Look, I didn't know a lot of guys. These guys here are the first real guys I've known, okay? My dad wasn't, uh, around a lot when I was growing up. And yes, I'm an only child, so. You know, I came to this country and uh... (silence) I, uh, my first role models were Santa Claus and Jiminy Cricket and SpiderMan. And that's what I wanted to be. All three of them in one.

Paul: Santa and Dracula combined, he used to say.

Gene: Yeah, Santa and Dracula combined. That's right. But I didn't have a lot of, you know, male friends. I used to always be after girls. You know.

Peter: Don't let this guy fool ya, he's after 'em morning, noon and night.

Gene: Anyway, maybe I'm... (silence)... okay, you want it straight, maybe I'm a little jealous, maybe.

S: Jealous of what?

Gene: These guys get along really well. And you know, Ace over there, we're friends, but not like Peter and Paul. And maybe I wish I, wish I had a guy friend I could, you know, that could be a best friend.

S: Well, okay. That takes a lot of courage to say right out, Gene. Can I get you other guys to maybe, you know, incorporate Gene in your lives a little better? (silence) I know this isn't easy, and the patterns you guys have made are hard to break, but make Gene feel like more of a family member, can we do that? Can we work on that? He never really had one, so you guys have got to be his family now. Can we try to do that?

Paul: Hey, we've always been competitive. You know, you can outplay, outsing, outshine, uh...

Gene: Be more outlandish.

Paul: Be more outlandish than the other. But, sure, I'll give it a shot.

Peter: Hey...Gene and I are always...I'm from Brooklyn, I don't take shit off anybody, okay? But I come from a strong Italian family, I was in gangs, I was on the streets, I found my way to Paulie and another family, so if you ain't had that, brother...then you're missing out. You need that. Just lay off the jokes, all right?

S: Ace?

Ace: (cackles) Sure, I mean, whatever. Welcome to the show, Gene (cackles).

S: Our time here is almost up, but we'll be here for the week to hash some more things out.

Ace: Hash?

S: Do you have any concerns here, Ace? We haven't heard from you today. What's on your mind?

Ace: It's like I tell these morons, don't be so uptight, we gotta be a team. We gotta be a family, y'know? We always seem to fight when things are going along okay. Y'know. I've been tryin' to find out how everything went wrong, but I'll tell you what Curly, it's hard at times.

S: But you don't seem to have any major problems here?

Ace: Naw, y'know, I mean, I'd like to try a crack at singing on this album, you know? I'm really ready. Hey, I've got my pride too.

S: Okay, that's good. Can you guys let Ace shine a little next time?

Ace: Hey, I gotta look out for myself too, you know? I'm tired of bein' fuckin' George Harrison here, what can I say? (silence)

Paul: We can see what happens.

Gene: We can see what happens.

Peter: Sure, we'll let him know.

S: Do you have anything you've, uh, worked on?

Ace: Oh yeah, I've got this great song, "Fuck Me."

S: Oh... I didn't....

Ace: (starts singing) "Fuck me, make me feel better, fuck me, now who's gettin' wetter..."

Gene: We'll, we'll see what we can do.

S: Same time tomorrow, okay guys? We've got a lot more work to do. Our goals are to bring Gene into the fold a little more, okay, to respect each other in the group, right, and I guess to let Ace sing more. That's what we'll be working on this week. I'll see you tomorrow?

With two solid weeks of therapy, the band was truly happy for the first time in its short history. Without Paul and Gene's seemless competition, Paul and Peter's stolen moments, and Ace's ongoing fleightiness, the band actually began enjoying themselves. As Kramer recently told the Russian fanzine, "Putin Your Two Lips Together and KISS," in 2000, "KISS from the first album through 'Rock and Roll Over' was like the foreward to a book. Okay to read, maybe even okay to skip. With 'Love Gun,' that was like Chapter 1, the official start to the group. There was no stopping them at this point. All that attitude, all that tension -- phhht, gone, adios, sayonara, bye bye. It was everything the band was meant to be."

The songs on the album, however, would not reflect the new-found pride and respect within the group. Aucoin and Neil Bogart encouraged the band to simply write material to fill the album with 8 to 10 songs, preferably generic love songs that would receive radio airplay. While Paul and Gene both cranked out three songs in usual fashion (with Gene surprisingly using a pair of studio musicians "just to move things along"), Ace reworked his long song to a more palatable offering. The true surprise--- and the only one to come directly from the weeks of therapy--- was Peter's sole offering, "Hooligan," which is discussed below.

Indeed, the first song recorded for the session, "Then She KISSed Me," was suggested by Peter, in an effort to return to KISS' roots. Common KISS lore dictates that "Deuce" was the first song the band played together, but few know the Crystals hit was the second song the group ever practiced together (followed by, in order, "Firehouse," "Cold Gin," and Stevie Wonder's "Signed, Sealed, Delivered [I'm Yours]," with Paul and Peter sharing lead vocals). The choice, although later considered by Paul to be "a mistake" and "something at least better than 3 minutes of silence at the end of the record," it was a unanimous decision at the time. And it planted the seed for what many consider the first of many incredible recording sessions throughout the '70s.

Songs:

1. Peter finally blossomed as a songwriter by creating the most personal and self-examining song in the haunting epic "Hooligan." "I was really tryin' to, like, to open up the doors, you know? I mean, God bless those cats (presumably Doug and Aucoin? - editor) for, you know, really openin' my eyes up and showin' me, like, who I was, and like how my upbringin' really had an effect on who I am today." (Hit Parader, Summer Special 1977) Indeed, the song was heralded by and used in a large number of the "women's lib" movements in the United States at the time. "Ignore the pain in his voice for a moment and just look at the words," said Linda Travino, former director of '70s-era, Atlanta-based "Sisterhood Now" organization. "That's what I would tell my friends in the group. To really dig those words, because that's where a lot of men are coming from. That's what we're up against! 'My mama she said I was a hooligan.' Well, does he agree with her or not? Does he have some resentment toward her judgment? 'I'm oh so bad, so sad but it's true, what can I do?' Here he has a realization of himself as not being the person he wants to be, he resents who he is but can't seem to let go of his mindset. 'My mama she said I was a black sheep, my baby she said I was a creep.' Again, he's taking out his aggression on the very females in his life who love him, most likely based on the paternalistic societal norms established by an inherently male-dominated system. 'I can't even spell my name, dropped out of school when I was 22, what can I do to satisfy you? I'm a hooligan.' I can't imagine what pain he must have felt writing these words, admitting to his own lack of education---I mean, my god, the man can't even spell his own name, which indicates a severe learning deficit---but again he feels trapped. What can he do? He is who he is. He's a hooligan. But this song proves that he's more than a hooligan, he's an artist and a poet with sensitive feelings. And finally, toward the end of the song, he screams about 'chicken salad, roast beef,' which are more than likely the meals his mother provided for him, perhaps meals that he found comfort in, that connected him to his mother." (When I pointed out that the actual lyric was "every chick in town loves me," not "chicken salad, roast beef," Travino became silent, asked me to verify this, and then explained that the "every chick" line obviously represents a burgeoning male need to brag of numerous, albeit unsatisfying, sexual conquests undertaken as a series of unresolved couplings dealing with the unification he doesn't feel with his own mother.)

"Hooligan" was the third single issued from Love Gun, and its low peak at #72 on Billboard was blamed on its being "too intense" for the "average KISS fan who just wants songs about cars and girls." (Billboard, 1977)

2. The final triumvirate of early party songs culminates with "Tomorrow and Tonight," (following "Rock and Roll All Nite" and "Shout It Out Loud"), which fans and critics alike agreed was the best of the three. The Boston Globe, for example, proclaimed the song "the archetypal anthem of man versus system, one that preteens and their parents can easily sing in unison." Reader response echoed the paper's thoughts: "I just quit my job and used "Live Gun" (sic) as my resignation letter!" "Thank God for 'Tomorrow and Tonight,' which I firmly believe will stand as an epoch in rock and roll!" The album in general received outstanding reviews, such as this one in the St. Louis Globe Democrat:

"The latest by the makeup-clad rockers KISS, "Love Gun," is hitting stores this week, and for the first time parents will find as much to love as their teenage sons and daughters. The music displays the same working-man guitar licks and flashy solos one expects from KISS, but a subtle tinge of spirit has entered the fold. Rhythm guitarist Paul Stanley shines through his tales of unrequited love, bassist Gene Simmons plays both mentor to children ("Christine Sixteen") as well as the stuff of nightmares ("Almost Human"), drummer Peter Criss delves into his inner psyche with the boogying "Hooligan," and lead guitarist Ace Frehley lends his vocal talents - arguably finer than those of his bandmates - to the outstanding "Shock Me." This reviewer's complaint is that, like a fresh breeze on a summer day, this album does not last longer. The band's rumored upcoming live album, should prove that KISS can do no wrong in 1977."

3. Except for the reworked "Almost Human" demo from the "Destroyer" sessions, which was approved for its "God of Thunder/She" feel, Gene's contributions nearly didn't make the album for their raciness. Aucoin in particular found songs dealing with prostitution, jailbait, and a particular groupie's proclivity to be a little much for a record aimed at a younger audience (Aucoin apparently asked Gene to rework the song to "Pristine Christine" to no avail). The tight deadline - and Aucoin's directive to write quickly about anything to do with love - did not allow for rewrites or other submissions. Gene's songs appear only be default, not because they were considered his finest work.

4. The confection company BeechNut approached the band about sponsoring the upcoming tour, which was actually pursued to the point that the band filmed a 30-second commercial that was never aired. (I know of only two copies of this commercial. The one I saw has no sound, but the enclosed lyrics made it easy to follow.) BeechNut's new "Love Gum" was to be manufactured and sold "outside of every concert venue" with "promotional signs encouraging TEENS to CHEW it and PARENTS to PLUG THEIR EARS with it during the show!!!" (taken from a confidential internal marketing memo) The commercial opens with the drums from "Love Gun," with shots of fireworks interspersed with the flashing KISS stage logo. The footage is made up of rapid edits from the "Rock and Roll Over" tour. The first verse immediately follows with the following lyrics, as sung by Paul: "Lookin' for new gum, baby?/Want something that's hot?/The bubbles that you're needin'/that's what it's got." It then goes to the bridge of the song: "No need for waitin', baby/get ready for fun/Bite into a stick of Beech Nut/Love Gum, Love Gum." The tag message follows: "BeechNut presents KISS on tour - 1977!"

Packaging:

1. The cover of the album was created even before Stasiak's counseling sessions began, in an effort to create advance magazine ads and merchandise (earlier promotion helped to extended the gap between album releases). Therefore the cover reflects the pre-"Love Gun" status of the band: An aloof Ace with a Mona Lisa smile, Gene growling (this time with fangs!) at Peter and Paul, and the latter two explicitly and unashamedly matched hip to hip (note how each one's hips are thrust forward). Note also that each has one hand on a hip and that the opposing arm on each is missing! (Could they have been considered as close as Siamese twins?)

2. The inner sleeve shows a spattering of blood in the shape of the KISS logo. This seems straight-forward enough... until it's turned upside-down: 3 + 1 4 In other words, Ace, Paul and Peter (3) were now united (+) with Gene (1) to produce the 4 members that would soon become more than KISS: They would become Super-Duper KISS (see future articles for details).

3. Ken Kelly, the artist for the cover, originally intended to show a back-alley scene with KISS surrounded by women, as documented in KISStory. But the band wanted something a bit more mythological. As stated previously, the cover was complete even before actual recording began, which featured only the band without the female worshipers at their feet. In a 1979 article for the Canadian journal Artiste Annual, Kelly made this little-known revelation: "I was called in at the last minute to add to what I considered to be complete artwork. The singer of the group, Paul (Stanley), begged me to add women, just a bevy of women, worshipping at their collective feet. Well, as a commissioned artist, you don't ask questions. You just do what you're told." Kelly went on to say that he "just started drawing and drawing these brunettes. If you're familiar with this particular rock band, you know that each member wears a unique make-up design on his face, and I had intended to add makeup to each female at the final stage. But I suppose I was taking too long and the deadline was too short, and someone literally came one day and took the artwork away! I was only able to complete the drawing on about 10 women, and you can still notice that one of the women is just a floating head! I didn't even have time to complete the body or finish the preliminary shading on the head or anything. But that, my friend, is the world of rock and roll!"

(((Okay, never mind the parody article for a minute, and let me direct this to those of you who have the original vinyl. The artwork on the cover of the four guys is obviously meant to match that used in the inner ring label of the vinyl... except Peter looks different! On the inner ring label, his lapels seem larger than on the cover, and his head is turned up and facing forward more so than on the cover. No fake storyline to go with this; I just thought it was interesting for no other reason than that little stuff is fun to find.)))

Awards (semi-serious ones, just for fun):

Worst attempt at rhyming: all I got/about it

Biggest "Huh?" moment: What was the deal with so many falsetto background vocals? They were used sparingly before, as in "Take Me," but now they appear on "Got Love for Sale," "Tomorrow and Tonight," "Love Gun," "Almost Human," and "Plaster Caster."

Song you could picture Muppets singing: Tomorrow and Tonight

The "I could've written that" line: And I'm oh so sad, yeah, oh so bad, so sad, but it's true, baby, what can I do

Most poetic line: You're so smooth and tender, a living, breathing dream, I've got to have you, baby, I'm listenin' for your scream

Best, worst, or funniest sexual reference: You pull the trigger of my love gun (I'll assume "Take it in the cellar" wasn't a sexual reference...or was it?)

Classic KISS moment: Opening of "I Stole Your Love," from the "All right!" to the opening line

Best riff: I Stole Your Love

Coolest/best lead guitar part: Shock Me (surprised?)

Coolest/best bass part: I Stole Your Love

Coolest/best drum part: Shock Me

Coolest/best Paul moment: I Stole Your Love (I know, I should bow to "Love Gun," but he sings like his ass is on fire in ISYL.)

Eyebrow-raising vocal: Gene's "YeahYuh!!" at the end of "Christine Sixteen" Lyrics I misunderstood when I was younger: I've got a 35 cherry on a 55 brain
You've got to have me, can't live without me, cuz I'm a woman's honey, yes I am...

And here are some lyrics submitted from the KISS Asylum Bulletin Board and from personal e-mails from a while ago. Thanks to e-mailers Sarah Eisfeldt and Bob Preinfalk and to BBers Chi Chi Cruz, Gunpilot, Kat, Dr-Hell, Sydney80, MAC, necronomican, dekerockcity, KISSthis80, and especially to Jendell for the "chicken salad roast beef" line I used in the article!:

Take me in the cellar, lend me to your fella... Cuz wherever you run, I'll be, Ace break away! (leading into Ace's quick guitar lick)... I stole your gun... I'll be a scream away... Listenin' to the teacher, barfing at the preacher... Christy 60... Get off (instead of "guitar!" in ISYL)...I mean that I'm sick and tired of Wall Street (the end of Hooligan again!)... your operation's correct... I-I-I-I-I love to travel... I-I-I-I-I love the devil... I-I-I-I-I'm low in Soho... sweet-talkin' young Katie ("things are complicating")... How does it feel to find out I'm feeling your tits... How does it feel to find out I'm playing with your chest... I'm bound to be wild (in "Shock Me")... Put on your black weather... I'm suckin' different, ain't like the best, how does it feel to find out you'll land on your ass ass ass ass

You Wanted The Rest, You Got The Rest. The Hottest Parody Of The Group, KISS!

© 2000-2001 Rich Hund/KISS ASYLUM.
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