The Way It Should Be - Part One: The Merchandise
By: Bob Rodrick

Gene Simmons is a hypocrite.

Let's flashback to 1992. "Revenge" era. Watch or listen to any interview with Gene from about this time, and the most common topic that he will talk about is how he "got his brain back," or that he "was lost in pop hell," or was "seduced by Hollywood and fame." Gene lambasted just about everything that he accomplished during the late 1970s and all throughout the 1980s. He hated the songs he wrote, and he discussed that he regretted letting all of his outside projects affect KISS. One of the biggest things that Gene attacked was the over abundance of KISS merchandise, or "crap" as he put it. From KISS toy guitars, pinball machines, bed spreads, sleeping bags, to makeup kits, comic books, dolls, and belt buckles. In 1992, Gene Simmons was focused. He wrote better songs and for a good 5 years, KISS was his main priority. Way to go, Gene! Or so we thought!

Now here we are in late 1999, and gee, it's funny how (and I hate to use an old cliche) a tiger can't change his stripes. Gene Simmons has become, perhaps, the least respected member of KISS among the band's most die hard fans, and this includes myself! Why you ask? It's simple. He's desecrating the band's image and the band's name. Pretty much ever since the reunion of the original KISS, those ever present dollar signs have been flashing in front of Gene Simmons's eyes. And it's again making him become the person that he was, circa 1987, 1988. A man that he didn't like in 1992.

Now, of course I understand that KISS's "superhero" image leads itself to a barrage of money making possibilities. It is really no secret that KISS has become the most merchandised band in the history of rock music, after the Beatles. However, Gene Simmons has gone way over his head in getting KISS involved in merchandising and other projects that really are not necessary. It's affecting the band's credibility, and it makes me wonder if they really are benefitting from all of these projects.

Let's compare the merchandise from the 1970s to the merchandise from the 1990s. The products that were coming out of the 70s were cool! This is stuff that I continue to pursue in collecting, myself. The above mentioned dolls, belt buckles, comic books, as well as two great trading card series, model vans, and other pieces that won't make a long time KISS fan embarrassed to admit he collects. For me, personally, I used to spend hundreds of dollars each year at the New York KISS conventions because the items from the 70s that I would find there would be worth having. One of the best parts of the merchandise from this period was the fact that they were rather inexpensive. I cannot remember any piece of KISS merchandise being over ten dollars. This includes the dolls and the model vans, both of which are worth over $150 today!

Now, can we honestly say that present day KISS merchandise will be valuable ten, fifteen years from now? Maybe some of it....maybe 20 percent of it! Go to any local collectable store in your area, like a Spencers store. These stores have a specfic section devoted to KISS merchandise. I have two Spencers stores in my area and I frequently visit them to see what kind of KISS merchandise they're selling. Most often, I find myself with a sick look on my face and walking out of the store with zero desire to buy one single KISS product. I ask myself, "What is Gene Simmons thinking?" This is coming from a guy (I'm talking about myself) that has over $12,000 worth of classic KISS merchandise in his personal collection, and still likes to collect pieces from his favorite band. But there is just not anything that is really worth buying anymore. The majority of the current KISS merchandise is, as Gene once put it, CRAP!

I get countless KISS merchandise catalogs from dealers all over the United States. Each and every catalog carries the current KISS crap. I immediately throw the catalogs out, because nothing catches my eye. I somehow shudder to think that a real KISS fan has a need for any of the following products: KISS golf balls, KISS golf club covers, and divot tools, KISS zippo lighters, KISS umbrellas, KISS baseballs, KISS candles, KISS snowglobes, KISS beanie babies, KISS teddy bears, KISS bobble heads, KISS wine goblets, which would make for a great romantic dinner, but of course it wouldn't be perfect without the KISS non-alcoholic wine! Plus, there are KISS telephones, which are the ugliest things I've ever seen in my life, but my favorite has to be the Gene Simmons dragon boot bedroom slippers! What's even worse are the prices for these products. $25 for a KISS baseball! $20 for the divots! $25 for a KISS zippo lighter! Ooookay!!

I can understand a KISS fan about my age (late 20s/early 30s) possibly wanting to buy some of these products for their kids, but personally, I don't think they're selling enough. I don't think there's a demand. I'll see some of these products one month in Spencers, or in a KISS merchandise catalog, and the next month they wouldn't be offered anymore. That tells me something. That tells me that Gene Simmons is investing his money in making KISS products that are not beneficial to his wallet, and even worse, not beneficial to KISS fans. Like I mentioned before, it's making KISS lose a lot of credibility.

KISS is the kind of band that should garner respect from the music industry, and to the general public. I've been reading these "Sound Off" articles, and I've yet to really read one that is in KISS's favor. Everyone has something of KISS to be pissed off at. The merchandising is what I'm pissed off at. I am currently running a poll on my KISS website, THE KISS BIO CENTER, and I'm asking people's opinions on the merchandising. About 95 percent of the fans that are answering the poll feel that KISS has too much merchandise, or that they should just forget about the merchandise and concentrate on the music.

Now, here's where I finally get to the "way it should be" part of this essay. Like I just mentioned, KISS should have a great deal of respect. I find that if the band wants this respect, then they should respect the fans and give them products that are really worthy of collecting. There are a few pieces or merchandise on the market that are great to have. The collectable plates are nice, as well as the gold and platinum record awards, silver coins, and the Todd McFarlane action figures. But there are great possibilities of releasing some more merchandise that are even better than this stuff. Here are a couple of ideas that I thought of, and GENE IF YOU'RE READING THIS, PAY ATTENTION!

1. KISS AUTOGRAPHED ALBUM LITHOGRAPHS: This is something that I see on QVC or the Home Shopping Network when they do programs on rock bands, like the Beatles or the Rolling Stones. KISS album covers are great pieces of art that would look great on a fan's wall. I would say release ten different album covers: "KISS," "Hotter Than Hell," "Dressed to Kill," "Alive," "Destroyer," "Rock and Roll Over," "Love Gun," "Dynasty," "Unmasked," and "Psycho Circus." These are great album covers. Matted and framed in lithograph form would be great pieces of merchandise. The hook of these products would be either hand signed, or plate signed autographs of Gene, Paul, Peter and Ace. I have my phone ready to order if they decide to put these pieces out.

2. BOX SET OF 12-16 COLOR VINYL 45 RPM SINGLES: Vinyl is still a huge collectable. Always will be. About five years ago, The Beatles put out a great line of colored 45s. I bought every one of them! KISS should take most of the singles released throughout the 70s, and re-release them in a similar fashion that the Beatles did. Encase them in a special box set, with a flip over cover. All the 45s could be put into picture sleeves. Here's the catch: colorize them in the signature KISS colors: blue, red, green, and violet. 4 singles of each color. Again, I'm ready to order.

3. "THE ORIGINALS" RE-RELEASED ON VINYL: This is something that I've heard a number of KISS fans claim to want again. To put it simply, just recreate the original package that was released in 1976. A gatefold, folder type of cover, with the albums put in to sleeves depicting the respective album covers. Or, if you want to get fancy, instead of a gatefold folder cover, make it a slipoff box, like CD box sets used to look like. Encase the albums in glossy sleeves, or in regular album sleeves. Recreate the original booklet that came with the 1976 release, as well as the photo cards, and maybe put some new pieces of merchandise in the album, like guitar pics, or new trading cards.

These are just a couple of ideas that I have for KISS merchandise. I have others, but this essay is getting rather long, so I have to cut it off somewhere. All I know is that Gene Simmons has to think longer and harder when it comes to how KISS should be packaged and merchandised. Make the products more valuable and less embarrassing.

And while we're at it, Gene Simmons should cut down on his other KISS related projects. The "Detroit Rock City" movie was not a bad idea, but the poor reception to the movie should make him think twice about making this CBS Movie of the Week. Does Gene really think that's going to win in the network ratings? Think again Gene! Also, STAY OUT OF THE WRESTLING RING!! I've read on various pro wrestling sites the proposed "angle" that the WCW was planning on doing with the Demon character, and it was beyond embarrassing! It would have made both Gene Simmons and WCW want to hide from the public!

I really believe that Gene's continuous involvment in non-worthy projects is affecting the band's inner core. There has to be a reason why Ace Frehley said that he had enough earlier this year. There has to be a reason why Paul Stanley decided to get involved in theater. I could be off on this one, but I think these two are fed up with Gene. I think this should be a wake up call to Gene to slow down and concentrate on just being a KISS member and a songwriter. That's what it really boils down to. Makeup or no makeup, KISS is a rock and roll band, not something that should be depicted on a golf ball!

Feel free to e-mail me your thoughts!

COMING SOON: PART TWO - Future Album Releases

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