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 All news should be considered an unconfirmed report unless verified, and all information published at KISS Asylum is attributed to the source from which it was received so that readers may judge the validity of the statements for themselves. All information is confirmed where possible, and all publication is governed by common sense.
Fire-belching Star's 'Normal' Home LifeFrom: CanWest News Service If you ask KISS bassist GENE SIMMONS, the world should be run by women in a model similar to ant colonies, marriage should seen as an unworkable farce, society should censor violence (not sex), and everyone should work seven days a week. The man who has made his living belching fire, spitting blood and wagging his disproportionately long tongue at the world has an unconventional life with an unconventional world view to match. So it's shocking to discover that his home life is completely and utterly normal. Simmons introduced his family -- Playboy playmate wife Shannon Tweed, 50, son Nick, 18, and daughter Sophie, 15 -- to the world on reality TV show GENE SIMMONS Family Jewels, now entering its third season. Unlike fellow hard-rockers the Osbournes, the Simmons are a group of well-adjusted, intelligent and, as Simmons points out, "extremely good looking," individuals. His ridiculously articulate and creative kids do well in school (Nick has a 4.3 GPA, which is actually better than perfect due to extra-credit honours courses, while Sophie holds her own at 3.5) and they seem to have a firmer grasp on reality than most. "[My life] is not normal," Simmons boasts, his voice puffed up with trademark arrogance. "What I do and have done for decades is stick my prodigious oral member out . . . hump my guitar and spit blood. And Shannon was, if you judge the book by the cover, the playmate of the year, on the cover of Playboy many, many times, and we've never been married. How is that normal?" Simmons says he's bucked convention because he sees the result of common life and its rules as being "devastatingly horrible," qualifying his morals with the notion that most men don't even like their wives. Simmons, however, loves being with his partner in crime, the surprisingly hilarious and devious Tweed. "Why do men die younger than their wives? Because they want to," Simmons deadpans. "They don't want to be there. Whereas, I prefer to be with Shannon than with other people because I actually like her. The fact that she's smoking hot is in addition to that [is nice]." While the situations Simmons encounters on GENE SIMMONS Family Jewels are anything but ordinary -- in one episode, he takes Sophie to a "Sexercise" audition, where he gets voluptuous girls to do aerobics in skimpy outfits, for "bring your daughter to work day" -- the KISS brood remains remarkably well adjusted. Simmons explains he believes his clan might have different values, but, in his eyes, they just make more sense than societal norms. "You know, I think [we should be] less sensitive to the idea of sex and embrace it as a thing that is natural and wonderful -- and shield the eyes of our children to boxing or football or anything that's violent," he says. "It's violence that should be censored -- not sex. Nobody's going 'ouch.'" When it comes to his own daughter, the infamous womanizer -- who claims to have slept with 4,600 women -- says he hopes she's wise enough to likewise ignore what mainstream culture tells her to be and becomes a woman who finds her own path. "What I tell Sophie, when we talk about life in general is, 'I hope you grow up to be Sophie and not the girlfriend of some guy,'" he explains. "Women have to stop defining themselves by men. You take the guy's last name. Every women's magazine says 'The 10 things he's interested in,' 'What is he thinking?' 'Where is this going?' 'Do I have my mother's hips?' and every one of those articles weakens you." Wait. It's starting to sound like the demon himself is actually a feminist. "Absolutely," Simmons asserts, before trailing off into a slightly twisted view of what he thinks would make a utopian world. "I believe that every single country should be ruled by women -- but just at the high end. The pragmatic, everyday things should be by men because you women refuse to roll up your sleeves and build skyscrapers and pour concrete and pour the roads that we all drive on because your nails will break. "That's why the ant colonies have it right: there's a queen and the rest are all male workers." Simmons might not live a conventional life or embrace acceptable conservative views du jour, but after watching GENE SIMMONS Family Jewels and witnessing what a loving family he's fostered, can he really be all wrong? Check your local television listings for GENE SIMMONS Family Jewels. |
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